From Rainbow Blitz to Corporate Whispers
Orlando, FL – As Pride Month begins, major corporations like Target, Disney, and Anheuser-Busch have conspicuously toned down their once flamboyant rainbow branding, worried that inclusivity might be going the way of skinny jeans: out of style and potentially embarrassing.
This year, many businesses have carefully avoided last year’s glittery rainbow explosions, opting instead for subtle nods—or outright silence—toward Pride. Target, once a leader in rainbow retail, has replaced its usual vibrant displays with modest, discreet reminders.
“Our commitment to inclusivity hasn’t changed,” reassured Target spokesperson Jen Rogers nervously, looking over her shoulder. “But we’ve discovered customers prefer their rainbows muted, tucked quietly behind the gardening supplies.”
Disney Silences the Sparkle
Disney, previously known for its elaborate Pride celebrations, has also scaled things back. “We’ve removed the more… outspoken colors,” whispered CEO Bob Iger. “And any mouse ears that might start culture wars in the comments section.”
Bud Light Celebrates Pride by Ghosting It
Bud Light, which faced conservative backlash last year over a partnership with a transgender influencer, has gone into full ghost mode this Pride.
“This year, we honor Pride Month by quietly not existing,” said Bud Light’s brand manager while hiding under a table. “Our current marketing strategy is invisibility and prayer.”
Kid Rock and Trump Smell Victory
Naturally, cultural commentator and part-time firearms enthusiast Kid Rock weighed in. “I knew Bud Light would come crawling back to the straight-and-boring,” he said while taking target practice at a six-pack of LaCroix. “You go woke, you go broke. Now pour me something bland.”
Donald Trump also took credit for the shift. “Everyone’s going back to normal now because of me. No more rainbow beer. I fixed it. You’re welcome, America,” Trump said, standing beside a stack of unsold Ivanka Pride pumps from 2019.
Inclusivity Still Supported—Just Very, Very Quietly
Experts say the trend stems from fear of backlash or falling out of political favor. “Inclusivity was hot two years ago,” explained branding consultant Kyle Simmons. “Now the though is: ‘we support everyone, but only if no one notices.’”
Meanwhile, Amazon replaced its rainbow Prime logo with a microscopic rainbow dot, hidden inside the ‘Help’ section. “We celebrate everyone,” said Jeff Bezos from orbit. “Just not loud enough to impact quarterly earnings.”
At this rate, next year’s Pride Month may be celebrated exclusively through encrypted Slack messages and one vaguely rainbow-themed Excel icon.
Disclaimer: If you believed this article was real —or worse, felt personally offended — you might be taking life too seriously. It’s satire, not a subpoena. Relax and remember jokes aren’t assault.
