Author: Tina Tellzall

LOS ANGELES, CA — In a shocking development that’s rocked the late ’90s nostalgia-industrial complex, actor and rapper Will Smith has officially refused to perform his iconic hit “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It” after his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, declared the song “always sounded kind of stupid.” According to sources close to the couple, the argument began innocently enough over dinner when Will playfully hummed the tune, only for Jada to put down her fork and ask, “Do people still say ‘jiggy’? Or was that just something your ego cooked up with a rhyming dictionary in ’97?” Witnesses say Will paused,…

Stamford, CT – In a move both entrepreneurial and morally ambiguous, former daytime TV icon Maury Povich has officially trademarked his legendary catchphrase “You are NOT the father!” to launch a line of graphic t-shirts, hoodies, and greeting cards designed specifically for mothers looking to come clean to unsuspecting spouses in style. “It’s 2025,” said Povich at a press conference held outside a mall kiosk between a Cinnabon and a DNA testing van. “We live in a time of empowerment. And what better way to tell your husband the kid isn’t his than with a tasteful, pre-shrunk cotton tee?” The…

Calabasas, CA – Reality TV star, shapewear mogul, and part-time courtroom cosplayer Kim Kardashian has officially entered her ninth year of legal studies, a record-breaking tenure that has left actual law students and several constitutional scholars quietly weeping into their casebooks. Kardashian, whose legal journey began in 2019 and has since included more photo shoots than depositions, insists she remains “deeply committed to justice and aesthetic lighting.” Though she has yet to pass the bar exam, she continues to publicly adopt high-profile cases with the same frequency she changes hair color. “Every time I scroll Instagram and see someone in…