El Paso, TX – A bald eagle soared into an immigration rally outside El Paso, Texas, scooped up a protesting woman’s chihuahua, and deposited it just across the border fence into Mexico. The incident, now referred to as “Operation Feathered Justice,” has triggered national debate, lawsuits, and at least one GoFundMe for dog repatriation.
“Natural Selection, But With Paperwork”
Eyewitnesses described the event as “shockingly efficient.”
“I thought it was a drone,” said rally attendee Greg Molina. “But then it screeched, dropped a dog in Juárez, and saluted the flag.”
The dog’s owner, a woman identified as Amber Sky-Rain, sobbed into a bandana and yelled, “That’s wrongful deportation! Taco is a U.S. citizen—he was born in San Luis Obispo!”
She later clarified, “That’s California, not Baja. Just because it sounds Mexican doesn’t mean he’s undocumented!”
Governor Greg Abbott praised the eagle’s initiative. “It’s about time wildlife stepped up,” Abbott said. “We’re now exploring partial drone deportations based on species patriotism. This bird gets Texas.”
Feathers Ruffled on All Sides
Democrats were quick to condemn both the eagle and what they called “species profiling.”
“Just because Taco was small, brown, and bilingual doesn’t mean he should be targeted,” said Rep. Luna Torres. “America still needs dogs to sniff produce, babysit toddlers, and guard weed dispensaries.”
Meanwhile, Republicans hailed the eagle as a “true American.” One tweeted, “Finally, a border agent we don’t have to train or pay.”
The Eagle Has Dropped
Taco was found later that evening outside a taco stand in Juárez, largely unbothered and allegedly ordering in Spanish. He has since been returned via Uber Pets, although his papers are now “under review.”
“This isn’t over,” warned Amber. “I’m filing a FOIA request on the eagle. That bird is government property.”
Despite growing tension, the bald eagle has declined all interviews and returned to an undisclosed perch, where sources say it’s eyeing a pack of French poodles.
Disclaimer: If you believed this article was real —or worse, felt personally offended — you might be taking life too seriously. It’s satire, not a subpoena. Relax and remember jokes aren’t assault.
