Philadelphia, PA – Former President Bill Clinton has blown back into the spotlight—literally—after being spotted playing his saxophone for spare change on a street corner in downtown Philadelphia. Witnesses first assumed it was a pop-up DNC fundraiser, but Clinton quickly clarified: “Nah, man—Hillary’s legal bills don’t pay themselves.”
Smooth Jazz, Rough Situation
“I may be broke, but I can still play.”
Bill Clinton
Clinton, dressed in a rumpled suit and aviators, was reportedly performing Careless Whisper outside a Wawa when a crowd gathered. “At first, I thought it was just a tribute act,” said tourist Paula Greene. “Then I realized—wait, that is Bill Clinton. And that’s definitely a real coffee can.”
The former president told passersby he’s “trying to help Hillary out,” citing mounting Benghazi-related legal expenses. “You know how it is,” he winked. “Spousal support and all.”
Surprise Guests Exit Stage Left
In an unexpected twist, Newt Gingrich and Monica Lewinsky were seen scurrying out of a nearby Motel 6 just moments after Clinton hit his first note. Both wore large sunglasses and tried to blend into a crowd of Mummers.
“He hit a high C, and they sprinted like roaches under a diner light,” reported bystander and amateur TMZ contributor Devin Trout. “Honestly, it was smoother than the sax solo.”
Clinton paused briefly to acknowledge them. “Well, I didn’t expect that kind of reunion tour,” he muttered into the mic.
“I thought it was a DNC fundraiser until he asked for a Wawa hoagie.”
Eyewitness Terrance DuBois
Confusion, Nostalgia, and $14.76 in Tips
Some citizens mistook the busking for a modern campaign stunt. “Honestly, with the current crop of candidates, I’d vote for him again,” said one man dropping quarters into the case. “At least he plays something besides the blame game.”
Clinton’s team later confirmed the saxophone tour is “unofficial” and likely won’t be tax deductible. “Unless,” noted an anonymous source, “we call it political performance art.”
The impromptu gig ended after Clinton ran out of breath mid-Baker Street, but not before collecting $14.76, a coupon for Red Lobster, and three unsolicited hugs.
Disclaimer: If you believed this article was real —or worse, felt personally offended — you might be taking life too seriously. It’s satire, not a subpoena. Relax and remember jokes aren’t assault.
