MACON, GA — A local couple is celebrating the hard-won end of a five-year car loan by enthusiastically taking out two brand-new loans—proving once again that financial literacy is no match for instant gratification.
After paying off their $13,000 Wells Fargo loan on a 2012 Nissan Altima, Bryce and Kayla Martin proudly announced they had “extra breathing room” in their budget—so they signed up for a $3,500 CitiBank loan for a full-body massage chair and a $14,200 Truist loan for Bryce’s dream used motorcycle.
“We’ve earned this debt. It’s our reward for escaping the last one.”
Kayla Martin
“We worked hard to pay off that loan,” Kayla said. “And now we finally have enough room to afford two more. It’s called progress.”
Financial Planner Disagrees, Unsuccessfully
Their financial advisor, Trevor Long, says he’s tried everything to encourage savings and long-term planning.
“I sent them budgeting spreadsheets, books, even a free Dave Ramsey podcast link,” Long sighed. “They said, ‘Thanks, but the chair vibrates.’”
Loans: The Gift That Keeps on Charging Interest
Despite now holding more debt than when they started, the couple insists they’re in a stronger position.
“This bike is about freedom. I mean, I’ll be financing it for 48 months, but still—freedom.”
Bryce Martin, road warrior and amateur economist
“We’ve proven we can pay off a loan,” said Bryce. “So logically, we can handle more of them. That’s how math works.” What does the future hold? The couple was recently researching zero-down payment options for a backyard hot tub “before interest rates go back up again.”
Disclaimer: If you believed this article was real —or worse, felt personally offended — you might be taking life too seriously. It’s satire, not a subpoena. Relax and remember jokes aren’t assault.
