Former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has reportedly embraced a “return to his roots” lifestyle, trading politics for performance—and powder. Sources confirm that Trudeau, now living comfortably off a government pension and a steady trickle of speaking fees, has been spotted teaching drama classes to underprivileged inner-city youth while donning blackface “for historical accuracy.”
“Look, it’s not racist if it’s educational,” Trudeau was overheard saying at a local community center, dramatically quoting Othello while gesturing toward a soapbox labeled “Reserved for Former Prime Ministers.” YMCA staffers have confirmed he frequently uses the box for impromptu monologues on the importance of “diversity, inclusion, and tasteful improvisation.”
In Whistler, meanwhile, Trudeau has taken on the unofficial title of “Minister of Chill,” offering free snowboarding lessons to groups of dazed 20-somethings who describe him as “just, like, super in touch with the vibe, man.” One snowboarder, who goes only by “Tokez,” said, “He taught me how to carve and how to find my inner political identity on a mountain. He also gave me a signed photo of his dad, which was… weird.”
Trudeau’s finances appear stable, bolstered by paid speaking gigs at YMCAs, farmers’ markets, and on occasion, the back of a Subaru Outback in Victoria. His most recent talk, “Woke But Broke: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Microphone,” drew a crowd of six and one confused toddler.
When asked if he plans a return to politics, Trudeau replied, “Only if they’ll let me wear costumes again.”
Editorial Note: YMCA has since posted signage clarifying that “soapbox speeches do not constitute official programming.”
