Davos, Switzerland – In a stunning show of vulnerability, dozens of Fortune 500 CEOs gathered this week at the World Economic Forum in Davos to launch what they’re calling “Executive Burnout Awareness Month”—a movement aimed at drawing attention to what they call the “invisible emotional toll” of corporate leadership.
“We’re exhausted,” said Craig T. Bankwell, CEO of money transfer conglomerate GlobuCorp. “You think it’s easy choosing between Aspen or Verbier for your mid-quarter sabbatical? The stress is relentless.”
Surrounded by Swiss Alps, foie gras, and a private string quartet playing Coldplay covers, the executives took turns sharing their burdens. Chief among them: yacht itinerary fatigue, personal chef menu paralysis, and the constant pressure to remain emotionally detached while announcing mass layoffs.
“It’s lonely at the top,” added Jessica Klayton, founder of the anti-union startup Flexforce. “I haven’t personally spoken to an employee in three years. Do you know what that kind of isolation does to a person?”
In conjunction with the announcement, a new app—Cryto—has been launched to help billionaire executives cope. The app provides guided meditations recorded by Jeff Bezos, drone footage of tax havens, and an AI therapist who assures users that they deserve their wealth. A deluxe tier includes a daily affirmation that reminds them: “You are not the problem. The labor force is just ungrateful.”
Critics have called the campaign tone-deaf, especially in the wake of massive tech layoffs and record-high executive bonuses. But executives insist their pain is real—just less relatable.
“We’re not saying we hurt more,” clarified Barry Stocksworth, CFO of LayOff.ly, a company that specializes in automating pink slips. “We’re saying we hurt more expensively.”
The campaign also includes a series of posters that will be displayed in private airport lounges worldwide. Messages include:
- “Burnout Happens When the Dom Pérignon Runs Dry.”
- “Rest is Resistance. Resistance to Poor People.”
- “It’s Not Greed. It’s Chronic Accumulation Syndrome.”
Not everyone is sympathetic. When asked about the campaign, one warehouse worker simply laughed until they cried. “Must be hard,” they said, stacking boxes marked ‘Urgent: Platinum Golf Club Deliveries.’
Still, executives remain hopeful their message will resonate. “We’re not heartless,” Bankwell emphasized. “We’re just overleveraged emotionally. And also in several offshore accounts.”
As Burnout Awareness Month gains steam, organizers are planning a benefit gala in Monaco. Proceeds will go toward something very important: custom stress balls shaped like golden parachutes.
