Cooperstown, NY – President Donald Trump is claiming full credit for Pete Rose’s reinstatement to Major League Baseball, calling it “one of the greatest comebacks of all time — possibly even better than Jesus.”
Speaking from a minor league stadium that briefly renamed itself “Trump Field” for the day, the President told reporters, “People don’t know this, but Pete Rose called me constantly. Constantly. He said, ‘Mr. Trump, how do I get more hits?’ I told him, ‘Hit the ball, Pete.’ Nobody knew that before me.”
According to Trump, he was “a key part” of Rose’s legendary career and should now be honored alongside him in Cooperstown.
“Without me, Pete would’ve had, what, 30 hits? Maybe 40 on a good year.”
President Trump
Dual Induction: Trump Insists Plaque Feature Both Faces
Trump is now petitioning the Baseball Hall of Fame to induct him alongside Rose in a historic, unprecedented two-man plaque.
“Think about it,” he said. “Pete hit the ball. I hit the ball. Pete bet on baseball. I bet on America. Pretty much identical.”
Although no official response has come from Cooperstown, Trump claims the Hall is “very seriously considering” his offer to “personally fund a 20-foot gold statue of me sliding into second base, which I invented by the way.”
He also submitted a mock plaque featuring both his and Rose’s faces with the inscription: “One was the hit king. The other the king of being incredible.”
“It’ll be the most visited plaque in human history. Bigger than the moon landing.”
President Trump
Trump Cites His Own Baseball Skills as Hall-Worthy
“I once played baseball. People said it was… not bad.” said President Trump, and when pressed for specifics, Trump recounted his “amazing” Little League career, saying, “I hit a double once. Maybe a triple. People were chanting. Or booing. It was loud.
He also said many major league players “ask for his advice all the time,” though he declined to name them, saying, “They don’t want the woke MLB to know they talk to a winner.”
In closing, Trump claimed Rose once told him, “You should be in the Hall of Fame, not just me.” A statement he attributed to “a dream or possibly a vision,” but insisted it still counts. In any event Pete Rose’s reinstatement is sure to be debated among baseball fans for some time.
Disclaimer: If you believed any part of this article was real —or worse, felt personally offended — you might be taking life a little too seriously. It’s satire, not a subpoena. Relax and remember jokes aren’t assault.
