Washington, DC – When the Supreme Court provided a Trump immigration ruling – that President Trump can legally deport over 500,000 immigrants with pending or probationary status, conservatives rejoiced at the chance to finally enforce laws they mostly forgot existed until now.
Liberals, meanwhile, flooded the streets in protest—holding up signs like “No Human Is Illegal” and “Let Luis Stay”
Law and Order Is Back, But Only Sometimes
“It’s not about race,” insisted Rep. Mark Andrews (R-ND), while whispering, “but mostly it is.”
Andrews praised the ruling for “restoring dignity to the immigration system” while standing in front of a Chick-fil-A that had just fired its entire kitchen staff.
“Rules are rules,” said Senator Mitch McConnell. “If we make exceptions now, we might as well let Canadians in too.”
“America has always been a nation of immigrants, just not these particular ones.”
Heritage Foundation analyst Blake Purell.
Meanwhile, some media outlets warned that if these immigrants are allowed to stay, the next step is letting them vote. The Trump immigration ruling, they say, will benefit the country by restoring law and order to the immigration process.
The Left Weeps in Fluent Hashtags
On the left, reactions ranged from solemn Instagram posts to interpretive dance protests outside ICE headquarters.
“This is a dark day for America,” said Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, clutching a gluten-free muffin. “These people deserve to stay here because we’ve already emotionally adopted them as background characters in our Whole Foods drama.”
Senator Elizabeth Warren demanded the ruling be overturned, citing a little-known amendment in the Constitution called “Feelings Clause A-1.”
“Look,” she told MSNBC, “if following the law leads to bad PR, then the law is unjust.”
While legal scholars debate the implications, Trump has already declared it “the best deportation plan ever,” promising it will be “fast and very humane”.
The immigrants in question, many of whom have been here for over a decade, are preparing to be forcibly removed. They first need to finish prepping your lunch, cleaning your home, and tutoring your kid in math.
Kicking Out the Help, Politely
As America pats itself on the back for following immigration rules to the letter—for once—both sides conveniently ignore the larger irony. The right is suddenly obsessed with the sanctity of law and order, provided it doesn’t apply to insider trading or classified documents stored in a beach club. The left clutches its moral compass, lamenting the cruelty of enforcement, despite never proposing a coherent alternative. Meanwhile, 500,000 immigrants wait in limbo—filling prescriptions and cleaning bathrooms—only to be told they were welcome, just not permanent. In the end, law wins, humanity loses, and dinner’s still being delivered on time.
Disclaimer: If you believed this article was real or felt personally offended — you might be taking life too seriously. It’s satire, not a subpoena. Relax and remember jokes aren’t assault.
