Washington, DC – President Donald Trump hosted an opulent dinner on May 22 at his Trump National Golf Club near Washington, DC, celebrating top investors of his questionable crypto venture, $TRUMP Token. The gala, billed as a “historic opportunity,” attracted an elite crowd, composed of international criminals, money launderers, and wealthy individuals desperate to curry favor.
A Gala for the Globally Notorious
“Look, other presidents grift after they leave office, selling overpriced memoirs or giving boring speeches,” Trump declared. “I’ve spent my entire life mastering the art of grift. Why stop now, or ever?”. His guests, decked out in flashy attire and Rolexes, nodded enthusiastically, clinking champagne glasses filled with vintage Dom Pérignon.
Trump’s $TRUMP Token has already attracted hundreds of millions of dollars from international investors, predominantly those unfamiliar with Trump’s extensive track record of failed enterprises. Trump admitted frankly, “Americans have started catching onto my gimmicks. I had to find a fresh batch of suckers overseas. Thankfully, there’s no shortage.”
Crypto Experts Predict Another Trump Flop
Skeptics warn investors of a familiar Trump pattern emerging, highlighting previous fiascos like TRUTH Social, Trump Airlines, and Trump University. Financial analyst Sandra Kowalski bluntly stated, “This $TRUMP Token will likely end the same way—bankrupt, fleeced, and investors left clutching worthless digital coins.”
Despite warnings, attendees eagerly exchanged promises of exclusive access to Trump and potential pardons. Russian oligarch and noted philanthropist Igor “The Ice Pick” Ivanovich remarked joyfully, “This token is exactly what we’ve been waiting for. Grifting at this scale is simply irresistible.”
“Hate the game, not the player,” Trump told the jubilant yet ethically ambiguous audience, eliciting a standing ovation. “I’m just smarter at this con than everyone else.”
International Law Enforcement Quietly Watches
Outside the lavish clubhouse, Interpol agents diligently recorded license plate numbers, anticipating future indictments. One anonymous agent observed, “We appreciate Trump gathering all our high-profile targets in one convenient location. It’s really a thoughtful gesture.”
As the evening wound down, Trump encouraged his guests to continue investing, jokingly adding, “Remember, it’s not a Ponzi scheme—it’s a presidential scheme. Huge difference.”
Clearly, the $TRUMP Token gala will be remembered as either a pinnacle of presidential profiteering or simply another entry on Trump’s long list of infamous bankruptcies.
Disclaimer: If you believed this article was real —or worse, felt personally offended — you might be taking life too seriously. It’s satire, not a subpoena. Relax and remember jokes aren’t assault.
